Healing Takes Time, But Grace Never Runs Out

Ever felt like you’ve strayed too far to come back? We sat down with Zayd (aka Latter-day Zayd) to talk about leaving, returning, and rebuilding a life with Christ at the center. Her story is unvarnished: teenage inactivity, addiction, bad relationships, and the moment her daughter’s birth turned her toward home. What follows isn’t a fairy tale of instant transformation—it’s a patient walk of daily choices, new habits, and the grace that meets us where we are.

We explore why “repentance as an event” leaves people stuck, and how treating repentance as a lifelong process opens room for real healing. Spiritual highs help, but consistency changes the brain and the heart: scriptures on hard days, prayer when shame says hide, showing up at church even when you feel unworthy. We draw a clear line between guilt and shame—guilt prompts movement, shame stalls growth—and talk about claiming identity as children of God, not as the sum of our worst moments. If you’ve expected an Alma-style conversion, we offer a more common, hopeful pattern: slow, steady change that endures.

You’ll hear practical ways to reset after relapse without throwing away progress, how daily repentance functions like a covenant “reset button,” and why endurance matters more than perfection. Zayd’s message lands simply and powerfully: you are never too far gone, and belonging is not earned—it’s received in Christ. If you need permission to start again, this conversation is your green light.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review to help others find these stories. Your small action might be the nudge someone is praying for.

Transcript

Welcome And Episode Setup

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Hear Him Kill You with Morgan and Joel. This podcast is for those who are imperfect and rough around the edges, but are still wanting to come under Christ. Essentially, it's for everyone. So join us to get yourself out of the mental mire, find meaning and emotion, and leave that behind. This is where we hear him to be healed.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

All right, welcome back to Hear Him Heal You. We have another great episode

Meet Zayd: Story And Mission

SPEAKER_01 0:28

planned today. We have another guest. We have Zayd Morris from or also known as Latter day Zayd on Instagram. Zayd, introduce yourself and tell the people a little bit about your background and the kind of content you do.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

Hey guys, my name is Zayd. So basically the kind of content I make is I make LDS centered content, you know, about I do gospel insights. I like to call them latter-day discussions. I like to just talk about topics when I feel inspired and whatever it may be. And um a lot of the reason I made my social media has to do with my past. So I'll go ahead and talk about that. You know, I was pretty inactive as a teenager, and in fact, I was completely inactive. And um I had a problem with drugs and alcohol, um, struggled with being obsessed with worldly things. You know, I was in bad relationships, bad situations, partying all the time, um, really struggled with lust, you know, it was just not good. I was super far from the gospel, and um eventually I got pregnant at 18, and um I had my daughter, you know, nine months later, and it changed my whole life. And I wanted to come back to the gospel. I wanted her to know Christ. Um, and I wanted to know Christ again, and I started going back to church. Uh I felt like I belonged for the first time in my life, and I felt like I had found a home for the first time in my life. And I'd like to mention, if you couldn't figure it out by now, I'm a returning member, so you know, I was baptized when I was eight, you know, went to primary,

Feeling Too Far Gone

SPEAKER_02 2:12

the whole, the whole gist of it. Um, but like I said, I left for a while. But um, I actually had a pretty clear prompting about maybe four or five months ago to start sharing my story and the gospel on social media. And so that's what I've been doing ever since. And I've you know, finding my way every day about kind of what my uh I want to say niche is that's the best word I could use for it. But I try to focus a lot on about how everyone belongs in the gospel of Jesus Christ, and everyone is welcome. Everyone belongs, and that through Christ you can truly be changed, and you're never too far gone. And I also try to just with that be super authentic when I do share the gospel and gospel insights. And so, like I said, it's it's been a journey, and I'm still figuring it out, figuring it out and kind of just going where God wants to take me. But I've been loving sharing the gospel. I've met so many cool people, I've been able to serve so many awesome people. It's been great.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

So, what I what I find interesting is that what you've just talked about has been very relevant in my life very recently. Having friends feeling like they don't belong at church or they don't have a place in the gospel because of the struggles they have, or you know, just feeling like they've gone too far down the road of sin to return, or that you know, there's I I've met a lot of people recently and down here at Snow College here in Richfield who feel like, and and the reason being is I'm a little bit older. I decide to go back and change my careers and go into HVAC school. So now I'm back here with all these kids who are just coming out of high school, you know, making all the dumb mistakes for the first time in life. And I kind of get the opportunity to share with them some advice because I'm like, hey, I've made a lot of the same dumb mistakes, and I just want you to know you're not alone. You know, there's hope for you. Like, you don't have to feel like you're drowning in this by yourself, you don't have to feel ashamed that like I'm the only one who's this stupid and makes this mistake, right? And what's funny, Zayd, is like you told me you want to do this topic, and then literally this this whole week I've had different conversations with friends that have kind of covered these things you wanted to talk about. And you know, it's funny because I'm gonna send this episode to them once we finish recording, and they're gonna be like, Oh, you definitely plan this. I promise you, I didn't. I'm not gonna name drop them, but y'all, y'all

The Reach Of Christ’s Atonement

SPEAKER_01 4:35

know who I'm talking to, okay? And you know, I really think this discussion can be beneficial to you, and so uh, but no, I think that's such a huge thing for people is that whole concept of feeling too far gone, or because we are kind of finite in this life, we really struggle to grasp what an infinite atonement is, right? Yeah, and realizing that it really is all-encompassing and that like it can reach and pull you from the void, it can call you from the darkness, and not even by your own merits or anything, right? Solely by the merits and grace of our Lord and Savior, He has the ability to call our hearts out of darkness, right? I I like to say that, like, you know, in my darker times and the times I was really struggling, that it was people like, oh, what changed? What changed? I'm like, there's so many little things, right? I mean, there was the temple, there was, you know, my friends and the influences I was around. There was the fact that like I just really wanted to have that peace of mind that I had when I was active going to church, and when I had that clear conscience because I was able to take the sacrament wordily, and I missed that. But there were so many things, and people were like, What changed? What called you out of it? Like, for you, it sounds like you had a big event, right? With your daughter being born and realizing, like, this is a precious gift from God, and she deserves to know that, and she deserves to be raised in the gospel with the principles that will teach her how to have a fulfilling life, and so it's different for everyone, but our father in heaven has a plan, it's the plan of salvation, and he has a way to gather all of his children. He is coming after you, right? You are not alone, you're not too far down this path of sin. He will find you and bring you back if you will let him.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Totally, totally. And if I could emphasize any message to, you know, the people that not just follow along with my content, but honestly, like any child of God out there, anyone out there that is struggling with these thoughts of feeling like they're too far gone or they've messed up one too many times, like that is the message I would emphasize is that like you are not too far gone. There is no limit of sin, there's no like depth you could reach that is too far gone for Christ, and that like you belong, and like He will always, always want you to return to Him.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

Yeah, and so you know, with you saying that, I really want to hear Um a little bit more about your experience with that and some of the changes that you felt come because I think that's what people kind of forget. They feel like, or they expect that like God's gonna call them from the darkness, and immediately all their struggles are gonna go away, all their addictions and bad habits they picked up are gonna disappear and it's gonna be easy. You know, life's gonna be a peachy

Repentance As A Lifelong Process

SPEAKER_01 7:22

breeze now, but that's not the case. That wasn't the case for me. It was I had to eliminate some of the bigger things first, right? And then start being more consistent on some of the little things, and then you know, now getting rid of some of the other little sins that were holding me back, and then for me, it was a long process, right? And so I kind of want to hear what that process was like for you and try to help people have a realistic expectation for this and not think like, oh, because for me, I thought repentance was just an event. I didn't realize that it was more than confession, I didn't realize that it was more than just saying sorry, but really it was a process of healing, right? So I kind of want to hear your perspective on that.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Yeah, I totally love what you said about like, you know, repentance isn't an event, it's not a one-time thing. It's like it's a process and it's a lifelong process, honestly. But like at least for me, like you know, I returned to the church, let's say, I want to say about two years ago, maybe a little less, about a year and a half, probably. And that's kind of you know, when I started being like, you know, I need to cut these things out, I need to quit these bad habits, and I need to, you know, pull myself together because you know, for a lot of reasons, but mostly just wanting to come closer to Christ, wanting to give my all to him. And so, you know, at first I was kind of like on that little bit like spiritual high where I was like, oh, I'm you know, I'm changing and this is awesome, and like, but then it took me a while to realize that, you know, like change does not happen overnight. Even if that desire is in our hearts to change, that's great. And that's that's amazing to have that desire, but it's also okay to be like realistic in the way where like change doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't need to, because like you're on the right path, and that's what matters. And yeah, and for me, uh still to this day, to this very day, you know, I still struggle with a lot of things. I struggle with uh temptation for certain old habits that I had, you know, even with my daughter and even with this amazing life that I have and my temple covenants and so many amazing things about living this lifestyle close to Jesus Christ, I still struggle with temptation and I still struggle with even just certain little habits that you notice of like, oh, I need to be more Christ-like, I need to uh love my neighbor a little bit more, I need to be a little bit more humble, you know, things like that. And but that's what's so beautiful about you know, kind of choosing to change and choosing to give your life to Christ is like it feels sometimes like you're not moving very fast when you like are in it and you're with like change is happening and it feels like things aren't moving very fast, but like geez, if I look at myself like two years ago, I was a completely different person, and so like I just want to emphasize that a lot that like it's okay that it takes time and you can't expect change to happen overnight, but when the desire is there, and as long as you stay close to Christ and you're actively seeking him and seeking to be liked him or seeking to be like him, I mean, that is ultimately the goal, and that is ultimately what will bring the change that you're hoping for.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

Yeah. And you know, what's funny is as you were talking, I was thinking about that. It's so true. When you have that first big like repentance moment that start to your repentance the first time, right? I can remember the first time going and talking to a bishop about serious sins, right? And everything, it's all sunshine and rainbows, right? After that, until you hit your first relapse, and you're like, oh my gosh, everything starts over, like I'm embarrassed. I just talked to them

Consistency Over Spiritual Highs

SPEAKER_01 11:15

about this, and I already messed up, and like, and I think that's the truth for anybody, right? It's uh it's so easy. We get caught on that emotional spiritual high thinking that's gonna last, that's gonna carry us, right? But it's not the emotional high that's going to carry you into your recovery or carry you through your repentance process, it's the consistency. It's being consistent to the program, the process, sticking with it. You're gonna have lapses, you're gonna make mistakes, right? You're gonna have bad days and good days. The the whole point is though, is when you have a bad day, don't throw out all the good things you've been doing, right? Keep reading your scriptures. Hey, if you had a lapse, if you, you know, whatever, if it's with addiction or with it, whether it's just, I don't know, whatever your problem may be, right? You may have days where you're like, man, I messed up today. I might as well not read my scriptures, I might as well not pray tonight, I might as well, you know, actually, I don't really feel like going to church because I don't want to see people see that I'm not taking the sacrament because I don't want to take it because I just messed up, you know, and we tend to spiral, right? Because we we live on these emotional highs. But if you focus more on the consistency or being consistent to a process, realizing that that's what's gonna rewire your brain, that's what's gonna help you move forward, and that's what's gonna get the results if you make it a very much like I know we always say the gospel is not a checklist, but when it comes to repentance and that healing that needs to take place, it is a bit of a checklist, right? There are steps you need to take to heal, and that's the biggest thing about repentance. People miss too. It's not just about owning up to your sins, it's not just about confession, it's not just about making amends, it's about healing from the effects of sin. Sin damages the soul, sin damages us, right? And we need to heal from that. That's why we have the gift of repentance.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Yes, so so true.

Guilt Versus Shame

SPEAKER_02 13:14

And you know, I love what kind of what you're saying about like how we go through this like spiral of like, like, you know, once we kind of come off that spiritual high and we, you know, like you said, we relapse, depending on what it is, you know. We I think that the adversary loves to shame us, he loves to make us feel like, you know, like, oh, you messed up again, you know, there's there's no point in trying again, or like, I can't believe you you did it again, you relapsed after, you know, after all of that, after all the work you went through, after all the healing and and uh just progress you went through. And like that is something I also want to emphasize so much is that like you know, guilt can be a tool, but there's a difference between guilt and shame. You know, shame is not from God, shame is from the adversary because shame is exactly what the adversary wants you to feel because when we feel ashamed, we stop progressing, you know, we cower, we doubt ourselves, we doubt our worth, and we doubt our ability to overcome and to move on, and that we are wanted by God to do these things.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Yeah, no, I totally agree. And I think that is a huge thing to understand is like you cannot allow yourself to identify yourself as your sin or as your struggle, right? You can't say, Oh, I'm an addict. Oh man, I'm I'm a screw up, or I am, you know, like I am just a failure, right? You can't allow yourself to tie, you can't identify yourself with those habits, right? You have to remember, like you have to separate yourself from the sin. You know, we are not, I don't like that's why I hate when like I talk to other Christians, they're like, oh, we're all sinners. I'm like, no, we're all human beings, children of God who commit sins, okay? There's a huge difference. I'm not a born sinner, I am a I'm a son of God who commits sins sometimes and messes up, right? Yeah. And it's like I do not identify with sin that way. I identify with God, okay? Like, that's where my identity comes from. Is as a son of God, as a follower and disciple of Christ, right? And so that's where we have to change what we're doing. We have to say, like, and that's where guilt is a good thing, right? Guilt is saying, like, man, I'm supposed to be a son of God and I'm not acting like one. I need to change that. Versus if you flip it, the shame is saying, Man, I should be acting like a son of God, but instead I'm just a stoner, or instead I'm just a porn addict, or whatever it might be, or I'm an alcoholic, right? And so that's the difference, right? One is it all depends on what side you are identifying from, right? And so I think it's so important that we tie our identity to our Savior Jesus Christ, tie it to our Father in heaven, and that's what's gonna

Identity In Christ, Not Sin

SPEAKER_01 16:12

help lead us back in this path of healing and repentance, right? And like you we've said, like no one is too far gone, but just because you're not too far gone doesn't mean it's not gonna take some time. And so I think that's one of the most important things. I love that you hit on it. It's like you gotta realize like you gotta give yourself time to recover, and you gotta give yourself time to change. You develop these bad habits probably over a decent amount of time, right? And it's not like going cold turkey is not really a thing, you know. You can try, but then you know, your body literally be grow it grows dependent on these things, right? And it'll then turn on you, right? Because it has these cravings and it has these dependencies and it's freaking out. Your brain doesn't know how to regulate itself anymore, and so you know, then we have to learn that, like, okay, just because I'm not too far gone doesn't mean this is gonna be a quick fix or an easy fix, right? We have to realize that we're in it for the long haul, and I think that's the importance of saying, you know, I'm sorry, I what I was trying to get at though is that we gotta make sure that we're in for the long haul, we gotta make sure that we are truly ready to walk the path of repentance.

SPEAKER_02 17:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

So, what I was trying to get at is that we need to make sure that we are in it for the long haul when it comes to our repentance and realizing it's not a quick fix. And that's why when we talk about the basic core principles of the gospel, that final one is to endure to the end, right? We have to endure many things in this life, and there's some things that we may never fully overcome in this life, and we have to trust that through the atonement of Jesus Christ, our efforts, you know, will be magnified, our you know, works will be tied to his instead, instead of being tied to us, right? Like we will be judged by his mercy and grace because of the atonement as long as we are striving and we are enduring to the end and staying true to our covenants as best as we can.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

Yeah, for sure. And I think that, you know, kind of like you were

Long Haul Change And Enduring

SPEAKER_02 18:25

saying, it's a super, you know, it's a process, it doesn't happen overnight, you know, because like the habits that you're trying to break were probably learned over a lot of time. And so it's not like you're gonna just go cold turkey and be like, you know, I'm I'm done with this and I expect myself to be perfect right away. Like, no, that that doesn't, that's not realistic, and you got to give yourself some grace in that aspect, and also even when you do overcome these habits and you do heal from whatever it is, and it you're at a great point in your life, you know, there's always gonna be temptation, you're always gonna make mistakes, and there's no there's no expectation for you to be perfect, and that's like you know, there's the expectation of keeping your covenants, keeping the commandments, staying close to Christ, like doing your best essentially. But there's no there's no requirement to be perfect, because like, you know, if we were perfect, if we didn't make mistakes, like we wouldn't need a savior. And that's the whole thing is like you it's so beautiful how we do depend on the savior and on his atonement because we will constantly need the gift of the atonement our whole lives, and we will constantly need to be repenting, even if it's for smaller things, things that aren't as signific not significant, but you know, not things as big as like struggling with drugs, alcohol, pornography, things like that, and even worse. Things, you know, it's just you will always need to rely on the atonement in your life, and you can honestly find some peace in the fact that you can take your time a little bit and you don't need to expect yourself to be perfect because as long as you are on the right path, as long as you are staying close to Christ, try striving to be like him, and you're going upwards and you're moving in the right direction, that's that's what matters. That's what's gonna get you there, that's what's gonna help you endure to the end.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Exactly. And so, um, as you were talking, I had another couple thoughts. But you know, what I was trying to get at is that we have to fully just rely on our Savior Jesus Christ, right? We have to turn it over to him. You know, essentially, it's not not everyone's gonna have that Alma the Younger experience. That's what I think I want to talk about, right? For sure. It's not always gonna be this great

Alma Expectations And Realistic Conversion

SPEAKER_01 21:00

and miraculous change where you see an angel and you're hirled up in your sins for three days, and you know, all of a sudden you call upon the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and you're just the torment's gone, right? And Alma had no more desire for the rest of his life to do evil, right? But you gotta also think that evil back then is probably a little bit different, you know. There's not technology, you know. I doubt Alma was over there, you know. Maybe they had wheat, I don't know, maybe they did drugs, maybe they did. But you know, I doubt it. You know, I have my doubts that they were maybe he was maybe drunkenness, you know. That was a thing. You know, fermentation's been around for a long time. But my point being is is like sometimes we have this expectation that we're always gonna have this Alma conversion when really we may have more like his son Corianton's conversion, right? Where we make big mistakes and we have to spend a long portion of our life repairing those mistakes, right?

SPEAKER_02 21:52

For sure. And honestly, I think that's more common. It's honestly, obviously, way, way more common than an Alma experience.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Exactly. So it's it's one of those things where I think if we can just realize that our father in heaven has an infinite amount of patience, of love, and of justice and mercy, all these things combined, right? Like, we're gonna be okay as long as we are sticking to those core principles of the gospel. And I and my bishop recently told me, he said, Joel, the craziest thing about all the covenants we make is that there's a clause in there, pretty much, that's like a reset button. And we're literally covenanted to keep the live the law of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and part of that is to repent. And repenting basically resets everything, you know. Yeah, it's almost impossible. The only time you can fail is when you fail to keep repenting, and so that's like the most important thing I think anyone can take from this is that you have to keep that's why President Nelson was so adamant in the you know, leaders of the church about daily repentance and daily changes because that is literally our reset

Daily Repentance As A Reset

SPEAKER_01 23:05

button, that is our do-over button, that is our how we get out of this mess that we are in, is by continuing to repent every single day. And I I do, I have to, right? I find a way to screw it up one way or the other. Yep, and so I am so grateful for an infinite atonement. I'm so grateful to know that I am not out of the reach of my savior's atonement, and that I have a way back. And so, just in closing, Zay, did you have any other kind of like closing thoughts on that that you wanted to get out before we finished off this episode today?

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Honestly, if I could just emphasize one thing, it would be what this whole episode episode is about. You know, you are never too far gone, and take it all to Christ, depend on him. We are not meant to do this life without him. We are literally designed to depend on him. So please go to him because it is the best

Closing Encouragement

SPEAKER_02 24:03

decision you could ever make for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

Well, in closing, little flock, you know what we say despair not, do good, build upon the rock, and always find time to hear him.